The Tension

I feel like I have always been a content person. Easy to find satisfation in my current situation. Even as a child I was optomistic and positive. A glass half full kind of girl!

For the past 6 months there is a tension inside of me that I can't quite explain. I feel a call for more and it's a strange feeling for me. Honestly, I have it all. My life is not perfect by any means, but I have been blessed beyond what I deserve. There is really nothing more I need.

So here lies the tension. I feel drawn to strive for more, to "do" more, to reach for more. I am not even sure what that means. Is it just more of Jesus in my life, is it doing more to tell people about Jesus, is it working more, creating more, exploring more?

With this tension comes both a longing and a waiting. I'm ready for more. I'm hungry for more. I'm longing for more. Whatever that means. Yet I wait...in the tension. I wait for direction for the next step, for the right doors to open, for His clear voice to guide me . My heart and soul are ready for the MORE, but my Spirit is waiting.

Philippians 4:13 is one of the most popular verses stating, "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." The "this" Paul is talking about here is being content! In verse 12 he says, "I know what is it to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether living in plenty or in want."

One of my favorite things is fishing in Alaska. Last time we went, we caught some huge salmon on the Kenai River. Once on the line, the struggle was on! I would reel and reel to get that fish in the boat. It would get about 10 feet from the boat and then the salmon would take off and the line would run out 40+ feet and I would start all over again. I knew the fight was would be worth it in the end, but finding "peaceful happiness" while the fish fought me, was not easy! At the same time, looking back on it, I wouldn't trade that struggle for anyting. Seeing the giant fish jump out of the water fighting again my line was such a beautiful sight. I will never forget it! Then feasting on fish for months after was also beautiful.

I long to learn the secret of being content while living in the tension. Thank God I can do this through Him who gives me strength.